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Lawyers Say the Funniest Things
Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar
Association Lawyers Journal, the following
are questions actually asked of witnesses by
attorneys during trials and, in certain cases,
the responses given by insightful witnesses:
1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
the next morning?"
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old,
how old is he?"
3. "Were you present when your picture
was taken?"
4. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been
alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law somewhere."
5. "Was it you or your younger brother
who was killed in the war?"
6. "Did he kill you?"
7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the
time of the collision?"
8. "You were there until the time you left,
is that true?"
9. "How many times have you committed
suicide?"
10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"
12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to
the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather
elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"
14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to
your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you
performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."
19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy. |
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